... and now the ramblings of an artist at work.

I believe most people want to be understood. I think it’s the thing that drives humanity, especially artists. However, I’m not so sure how many of us really understand ourselves. And what complicates that even more is we go out and interact with the world, trying to communicate, and hoping the person in front of us gets a better understanding of who we are. It’s a mess. Perhaps that’s why I tend to overshare. I so quickly want to get to the point where I feel understood. Others have a better ability at pacing their interactions and slowly revealing themselves like the drip of an I.V.

I’ve been looking over the songs that will be going on the album in an effort to better understand who I am and trying to figure out what the unifying thread is. What I’ve been seeing is a lot of commentary on connection, particularly the dichotomy between isolation and community. I long for community. The comfort, the stability, the perceived notion that folks understand you. But I think I’m often chasing the shadows of people I’ve built up in my mind. Musicians are by nature, I feel, nomadic creatures. Constantly moving from one gig to the next, trying to get by, trying to be seen, all while keeping the craft alive.

I don’t know how many people, if any, actually read these things so I just tend to wax poetic for a bit of catharsis. I often think about Emma Stone’s monologue in Birdman where she tells her father, “There’s a whole world out there where people fight to be relevant every day… you’re scared to death, like the rest of us, that you don’t matter”. Man, does that hit hard. And that’s what makes social media so dangerous. It’s a constant reminder that there are communities you can peer in to, but if you’re not there, then maybe you don’t matter. Heavy stuff. But it’s all fickle.

I can’t make everyone like me. That’s a fact. But I can’t stop myself from thinking that I can. I’ve rubbed people the wrong way, and it kills me when it feels like I can’t make amends. I’ve been told I’m too apologetic, and maybe I am; but is that such a terrible thing? I won’t apologize for my art, however. It’s how people can understand me.